My first cousins on my mom’s side of my family are all Seminoles, and I’ve learned to accept them as not just relatives, but good friends.
And, in actually, my mom and her siblings co-own a beach house in St. George Island, Florida.
That’s OK, because that’s a group of five siblings co-owning a beach house.
Even though my family is divided between Gators and Noles, it’s OK because we’re immediate family.
But the head coaches of Florida and FSU co-owning a beach house in Panama City?
Of course, let’s be fair, they bought it when they were co-coordinators (Muschamp defense, Fisher offense) on Nick Saban’s 2003 National Championship team (yes, Florida beat them that year in Death Valley), and they had no idea they would someday be on opposite sides of one of the most heated rivalries in all of college football.
But now that they are enemies, this is unacceptable.
Maybe Mike Bianchi was right. Maybe the loser of this game should sell his half to the winner for the next year.
But again, neither of these coaches has been known to back off with intensity, especially Muschamp but Fisher too.
So it wouldn’t surprise me if Muschamp dumped ammonia in all of the food still in the fridge when he left, nor would it surprise me if Fisher planted a bomb in the key just before he drove home.
Fisher could tie him up while he’s sleeping and make a quick one day recruiting tour, only to find out upon arrival at the house that Muschamp had untied himself, called a recruit, and was currently ordering $50,000 worth of pornographic Sasha Grey magazines and videos using the credit card that Fisher left behind.
Muschamp could be taking a peaceful walk on the beach, while Fisher has taken control of all the phone lines and reported a BS driving violation on Muschamp’s car, so Muschamp will return to the house to find out that his car has been towed. Laughing gleefully, Fisher will leave on a recruiting trip, during which Muschamp will shake his head, pull out his cell phone, and call Jeremy Fowler to report Fisher’s recruiting violation and his “bad guy-ness” so Fowler can turn the tables and pin that heinous insult on somebody else.
Or maybe, maybe, just maybe, the two of them could be digging sand castles together (funniest image imaginable). It gets six feet deep, then Muschamp tells him to finish up, I’ll get water for a moat. Fisher finishes up, and decides to go inside it for a second, then Muschamp comes back and buries him with a bucket of seashells he had been collecting for this purpose, along with a barrage of sand.
Any of that is possible if the head coaches at Florida and FSU coach co-owning a beach house is possible.